(Even) Bad Writing wins national awards

Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest
Named after the Victorian novelist and playwright Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, author of the oft-quoted "It was a dark and stormy night," the tongue-in-cheek competition attracts as many as 10,000 entries in several categories, including detective fiction, Western and romance. Here's a few favorites:

Runner Up in Detective Fiction by Tony Alfieri of Los Angeles:
"The dame sauntered silently into Rocco's office, but she didn't need to speak; the blood-soaked gown hugging her ample curves said it all: "I am a shipping heiress whose second husband was just murdered by Albanian assassins trying to blackmail me for my rare opal collection," or maybe, "Do you know a good dry cleaner?"

Winner of Romance Fiction Jeanne Villa won in 2008 (so good, er - I mean "bad" I had to post it here) with this inspired opening:
"Bill swore the affair had ended, but Louise knew he was lying, after discovering Tupperware containers under the seat of his car, which were not the off-brand containers that she bought to save money, but authentic, burpable, lidded Tupperware; and she knew he would see that woman again, because unlike the flimsy, fake containers that should always be recycled responsibly, real Tupperware must be returned to its rightful owner."


2009 Winner in Fantasy Fiction: "A quest is not to be undertaken lightly--or at all!--pondered Hlothgar, Thrag of the Western Boglands, son of Glothar, nephew of Garthol, known far and wide as Skull Dunker, as he wielded his chesty stallion Hralgoth through the ever-darkening Thlargwood, beyond which, if he survived its horrors and if Hroglath the royal spittle reader spoke true, his destiny awaited--all this though his years numbered but fourteen.

Gives unpublished writers everywhere hope.

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For a list of winners in other categories>>>